Fear

16 09 2014

Fear. I have it. My confidence and faith has really taken a hit after all of the complications I’ve lived through.  I know what you’re thinking: I’ve lived through them.  Most likely, by the Grace of God, I’ve lived through them.

I will try to focus on those words and maybe my confidence and faith will be restored.

Wednesday, I have an MRI to determine if this new treatment is working.  I am so scared to even hope for good news.  The results of the MRI will be discussed with my doc on Friday.  If things are progressing, I may be admitted right after that appointment to start the 2nd treatment.

Slowly, I have grown a bit stronger each day. I wish I had more time in between treatments to build strength. At least I feel more rested…..

That brings up another fear: every time I enter the hospital “strong”, I come home so weak, having to start over again.  Every darned time. Jeez, most foods still don’t taste good and I have to start chemo again soon. That is not a complaint, I’m simply stating the truth.

Maybe it’s because this chemo has been so hard on me. Forget the toxicity, I am just now able to eat without too many foods tasting disgusting or too salty.  I’ve existed mostly on a daily protein smoothie, water/coffee/etc, and dinner.   Not much of an appetite, still a bit nauseous about some foods…probably causing a lack of energy.

I think overall, I really want to hear some good news.  Something has to be positive. Something has to change for the better.  Please God, let there be good news this week. Warrior Peeps, I ask that you pray for good news this week, good news that will turn my positivity back on.  I need it so desperately.

Much love to you all.

 

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4 responses

16 09 2014
Fred McGill III

Love and prayers sent Lisa. Please God, enough already. Something special has got to be coming your way Lisa. Gonna keep praying till you stand victorious over your enemy! Arm yourself and kick some cancer butt………..you go girl!

24 09 2014
kindergartencrush17

Thanks Poppa Fred! I agree, “enough already”, but until then, I will just keep trying to kick cancer’s butt 🙂 xoxo

16 09 2014
jean ann

oh how I wish I could take some of your bad stuff and turn it into good stuff with a magic wand or something. how I wish I could give you some more strength some more energy anything at all that could help you, lift you up from this bout that you’re going through, but since I can’t I know who can, our loving God. but for right now I don’t know what His plan is. I just have to keep listening when He says “Be still and know that I am God.” please keep talking to Him even though we think he’s not listening to us He has a plan.
god bless you and keep you. Just know you’re in my thoughts and prayers constantly

Love you always Jean Ann

24 09 2014
kindergartencrush17

Thanks Jean Ann, I am trying to be patient 🙂 You’re right, sometimes it’s hard to understand that there is a plan in motion. I will keep on keeping on and just pray! xoxo

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